You have your ups and downs in romantic relationships, and it's hard to make them last for many years. Much sacrifice, effort, work and respect are required. But there is also another factor that ends up wearing down love: the dreaded arguments.
According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the world's leading experts in dating relationships, there is a formula for determining the long-term success of a couple: the 5: 1 ratio is what makes love last.
Ratio between good and bad
Gottman and Robert Levenson conducted an experiment in the 1970s, in which they asked a group of couples to resolve a conflict in their relationship within 15 minutes; then they watched how they did it. Nine years later, they had the opportunity to see the recordings again and were able to predict which of these couples were still together and which had separated, with 90 percent effectiveness.
What they discovered is that there must be a ratio between negative and positive interactions during a conflict, something like the reason or ratio that makes love last. The proportion is 5 to 1This means that for every negative interaction, in a marriage or serious relationship, there must be five or more positive interactions.
When a couple is a happy marriage they try something important, they may be arguing, but they also laugh and play, and these are the signs of affection because they have built emotional connections.
Think carefully about what you say in a discussion
Conversely, an unhappy couple is not in the habit of filling discussions and certain inevitable negative interactions (since conflict is inevitable) with positive interactions that recall the love that is still hidden deep inside. When a couple in conflict tends to a proportion of 1 to 1This is an indicator of an upcoming separation.
A negative interaction in a conflict is that situation in which a person becomes too critical, becomes defensive, stops having emotional empathy and, of course, more obvious things, such as insulting and losing respect, for example.
For every negative action, you have to do five positive ones
Since negative interactions have so much emotional power, it takes five positive ones to neutralize them. On the other hand, Dr. Gottman points out that anger only has a negative effect on a marriage if it is expressed with criticism or resentment or if it is defensive.
He also advises to keep that in mind and try to include in the discussions moments to make your partner see that you accept their position, tell a joke that is not disrespectful, empathize, show your affection, apologize and look for opportunities to reach agreements. This will allow positive interactions to always be superior to negative ones, generating a support of positivity that allows preserving the relationship, which is given real value.